You really fucked me up, you know that? I constantly type messages and go to press send, and then remember you don’t actually care. I constantly looked down your street everytime I drive by in case I see the tiniest bit of you, even though I know you wouldn’t do the same. I constantly look at photos of us and remind myself of memories, and I know that you wouldn’t dare to even think of them. I constantly remember every detail about you from your blue eyes to your horrible laugh, and you don’t even give me a second thought. That’s the difference between me and you, that was always the difference between me and you. I treasured every possible moment I could because I thought it was forever, you didn’t because you thought of me as an object that would pass time.
I. We go out for a swim at night and I purposely touch my skin on his. I expect it to burn but I only felt my desire to love fading, fading.
II. We stand together and our shoulders kissed sometimes. He had a girl on his mind but when we separate half of his heart is already mine. But my heart is not his, it’s still mine.
III. I’ve never met eyes as sad as his and it seduced me. But as we talk I let his sadness consume me and I had to leave. I had to leave.
IV. He said he loved me once and ever since I’m trying to make him fall for me again. But he has moved on and I can’t risk loving someone who doesn’t love me.
V. I told him, “Don’t fall in love with me.” But I kinda wish he did. Kinda wish he broke the rules, broke my heart, and save it altogether. He didn’t.
VI. I want to put him on this list but I can’t find flaw. But we screwed up and I wish I was the one who end things but it’s him. Not me. He did.
such a delicate little toy, aren’t you? i can’t wait to see you all marked up with handprints all over your ass and the back of your thighs and the knowledge that i’m the one who did this to you, who made you so desperate and wet without even touching your cunt. you look so pretty when you’re bruised, princess. you are mine and only mine.
but the light is getting brighter and there’s a question neither of us have an answer for and it’s soft here but i should really be going soon and we’re both kind of making a mistake but in the way that you get on a rollercoaster anyway and when you kissed me i kind of felt alive and if you’d asked i’d stay
what i’m asking is. do you want me to stay
Maybe you’ve been on the other side where you’ve danced with devils and waltzed with the angels
Maybe your soul sees mine because, I, too have dipped my toes into the black hole that only those who have felt it can speak of
And maybe it does feel out of this world to speak of it, but maybe that is where we exist
And maybe one day, those like minded souls who are born after us will look up into the sky and see the constellations that helped form our love
I am facing my fear
I am shedding the skin of the coward
I am confronting my demons
I am winning.I am standing on a bridge when I am scared of heights
I am kissing the boy who makes my knees weak
I am doing something for the first time.I am walking unfamiliar streets, hand in his
I see new roads and I see his eyes, gold staring into mine
He feels like freedom
Like burning and growing from the ashes
I write about leaving / forgetting / finally breathing at least; but go ahead and call my poetry a liar. They were just hopeless attempt to dug you out of my skin anyway. Skip several months later and now it’s been a year and we don’t even say hi (FUNNY CAUSE I STILL CAN REMEMBER YOU CALLING MY NAME 1 HOUR INTO MIDNIGHT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY) (AND BY FUNNY I MEAN IRONIC—I MEAN, IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS WAY—I MEAN, BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS)
Now I missed your birthday by weeks. I wish I could turn back the time but I couldn’t. Last year I was so unsure but at least I was so in love with you. I wish I could go back to those months when I thought you loved me too but I couldn’t. But I couldn’t.
